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Looking for girlfriend or boyfriend > 30 years > How to be a strong silent man

How to be a strong silent man

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This personality is one that is outgoing, funny and altogether great to be around. I use it a lot. There is no greater joy to me than getting back home, taking my shoes or pants off and losing myself in the depths of a fabricated world such as can be seen in any of your favorite books. Also, there is no greater hope of mine than to move to a quiet house, somewhere of high altitude, amidst an abundance of trees, and at least five miles off the main road. There is a disconnect when it comes to a strong male figure which I may or may not be admitting that he dislikes social situations. A man is expected to be strong and to conquer any challenge presented to him, be it killing a buffalo or making small talk at a crowded party.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Signs of a confident man

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The Strong, Silent Type

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She married you because you are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk?! How did you learn that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness — for a man? But a sign of strength for a woman? Do you take for granted that women can speak, weep and express feelings? But that a man stands there, stoic and silent? No matter what his grief, shame or disappointment?

Men and women are affected by this double standard. They leave that to their partner. Hence men often judge themselves for even modest expression of feelings. That a man must have broad shoulders for his woman to cry on.

Therefore masculine strength means not indulging in feelings, and not crying. In my work with couples I see men who cry, and their wife looks on in wonder and amazement.

What a relief! Do you see anything wrong with this picture of believing that men expressing feelings is wrong? Or sissy? I see several problems. Firstly, men learn to rely on women to articulate what they, the men, are feeling. Secondly, when a woman speaks for a man, she is also taking control of the relationship in a way that puts the man in a lesser role, like a parent with a child. And come to think of it, do you speak for your son, and not show him how to speak for himself?

Lastly, it is as difficult for a woman to learn not to speak for her man, as it is for the man to learn to speak up for himself. These are two separate tasks.

The man needs to step forward and speak up, and the woman needs to hold back and wait. Clearly, that is not always so. However, it is true often enough that many men and women believe this is natural. Why is this so? Are you really the strong, silent type? By nature I mean. Or have you learned to act that way? This is very serious.

On the one hand, it really is hilarious, that she married you because you are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk. However many serious repercussions hide in that dynamic. What are the risks of talking, or showing feeling? For instance, you might be held accountable for what you say. Worst of all, you might be shown up in some way, and shamed.

This really is awful! No wonder you protect yourself against it. Talk about things that matter to you, things that you love, things that have meaning for you. Things that bring you to tears, they are so powerful. For women who doubt that sport is about feeling, go to a grand final of any kind!

You can begin to show who you are by having conversations with your partner about what really matters to you. And why it matters. With lots of details. What matters might be football. Or your first car.

Or how loyalty is what you value most with your mates, and what exactly that feels like. Your conversations might take you to how overwhelmed you felt when your favourite grandma died when you were 5. You might find yourself sharing how scared you were when you were a kid and your parents fought and drew a knife. When you take this risk of revealing yourself, choose a time when you and your partner are relaxed, and the kids are in bed or on sleepovers.

The role for your partner is basically to listen, without comment, except to agree and be delighted in who you are. Then it is your turn to listen attentively while she speaks of what matters most to her. Like you did on your first date.

Many, if not all, men, believe that conversation is about solving problems, fixing things, inventing things and coming up with answers. This is the language of trades and commerce, and getting the job done. We definitely need that kind of language. The kind of communication we are talking about here is very different, though.

When you open yourself to this kind of conversation you are very loveable. Keep reading these Relationship Insights and you will learn a lot more. In the meanwhile, you might find this Insight helpful: the stages of change. Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. You are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk?! How to be an Adult in Relationships July 6, What causes relationship failure?

September 12, Talking and expressing feelings. Suppressing emotional discomfort with alcohol or other addictive substances. I venture to say that ALL alcoholism is about difficulty with feelings. Relationships go nowhere when one partner is absent from the conversation. To the other partner, if feels as if you have already left. Feeling so lost in those thoughts and feelings can, and does, lead to suicide.

Perhaps you will be misunderstood. You might even be judged. Begin revealing who you are. Related posts. Desire discrepancy in relationships. Read more. Hear me out! The art of speaking and listening. Money-talk: yours, mine and ours Read more.

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Strong Silent Type: Why Women Love This Man And How to Hook One

That Mr. Darcy look-a-like, dark and brooding, yet so manly and strong. The kind of man who uses his words carefully, never gossips, never loud, arrogant, or brash. He simply says things when they need to be said. On paper that type of guy comes across as kind of rude.

If Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome turns out to also be Mr. Strong and Silent, be sure you go into your first date prepared.

It is complete with extensive statistics and examples of how men suffer from being male, depressed and traumatized- based on the too often painful paradigm men follow, to be a man we somehow lose our masculinity if we admit our vulnerability; we lose our man card if we break the silence of our suffering. I have met one of these men who has the gift for writing and the courage to use this gift to offer some letters from the front line of male survivorship, of male post traumatic growth. The following is the first in a series of these letters, I am honored to offer them here-. In the interest of thoroughness, our discussion will cover several different, seemingly contradictory things: the uneasy silence that results from repression; the pleasant quiet of inner peace; and, most immediately, what men communicate by the act of non-talking. These are just a few of the various sounds of silence.

The strong, silent type: What you need to know before dating one

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. It only takes a minute to sign up. The meaning is quite subtle. Traditionally this has been said by a woman in defence of a man. It could however convey a hint of sarcasm depending on the tone and circumstances. Remaining silent is often taken to be an indicator of shyness or lack of confidence. These can be seen as negatives. Strength is considered to be a good quality.

Strong Silent Type: Why Women Love This Man And How to Hook One

Or is it? Consequently, stoic figures such as Gary Cooper feel outdated. It started the process [of the strong, silent type fading out]. But has the strong, silent type really disappeared from view?

Right off the bat, let me say, I am NOT a hater of men. And regardless, we need men to make babies and do some basic heavy-lifting.

Here, Beau Denton , Content Curator, writes about his experiences with one particular embodiment of those messages: the strong silent type. As a teenager who tended toward quiet, had a fondness for naps and books, and often struggled to formulate spoken sentences without long pauses, I realized early on that I might not grow into the sort of outgoing, charismatic man I had seen idealized. So I learned to veer toward another ideal: the strong silent type—like Gary Cooper hunched over a cigarette, or the cowboy who rides into town to kiss his sweetheart and find the man who shot his Pa before disappearing back into the mountains. My ongoing bouts with depression and social anxiety meant that I often worried others saw me as awkward or strange, so I tried to give the impression that my quiet reserve reflected something of strength and intrigue, that it was an embodiment of the truism about still waters running deep—not something to be pitied or concerned about.

Does the ‘Strong, Silent Type’ Still Exist?

I touched on this a bit in Acting With Intent and Faux Pas of the Sociaux Nouveaux , and I really ought to write a proper post devoted mostly to this, but the problem in a nutshell with being the entertainer is that you get a lot of false positives. The strong, silent type; one of those archetypal kinds of men women are said to swoon for. The sexiest men in the movies, if you pay attention, are always of this type.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Strong Silent Type or Shy Silent Type

Remember when we used to describe a person who was quiet and didn't show much emotion as the strong, silent type? I don't often hear that phrase anymore to describe a person, and I'm glad. I mean, how strong is a person who is silent, especially when it comes to their mental health? Isn't that an oxymoron? For generations, it was seen as a positive trait, to be the strong, silent type.

Strong Silent Type: Male Trauma

Updated: December 12, Reader-Approved References. The image of the strong and silent type is that of somebody who is confident and comfortable in his own skin. This can be very attractive, and project an image of security and assurance. Get to know yourself and the world around you in order to take things in your stride. You can communicate in more ways than by just talking. Being a strong silent type is all about staying confident and using your body language to express yourself. Speak in a deep and clear voice, which shows you're confident and in control. Make short, meaningful statements when you speak so people know you mean what you say.

Apr 4, - First Person Blog Series on Male Trauma. There is an amazing book by Terrance Real, LCSW- “I Don't Want to Talk About”, it is the bible on.

She married you because you are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk?! How did you learn that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness — for a man? But a sign of strength for a woman? Do you take for granted that women can speak, weep and express feelings? But that a man stands there, stoic and silent?

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