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Looking for girlfriend or boyfriend > 30 years > What i look for in a girlfriend

What i look for in a girlfriend

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Twenty-one-year-old Ava Sonders is independent and slightly cynical, and she has never been in love. She doesn't know if she believes in the concept of a soul mate, let alone the "until death do you part" stuff! But no one is more surprised than Ava when she becomes attracted to bad boy and struggling musician Braden O'Neil. After one romantic evening, Braden steals Ava's heart.

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32 Qualities of a Good Girlfriend

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There's a question that I think not enough men ask themselves, and they end up being the worse for it: that is, what to look for in a girlfriend. I have a habit of being very selective about the people I have around me. The old adage that "you are the average of your five closest friends" is one I put a lot of salt in. Where does this "averaging effect" come from, and how does it play out in real life?

The simplest way of putting it is that successful people believe successful things, and unsuccessful people believe unsuccessful things.

On a more personal level, you may have a friend who's dead broke, but strongly believes that buying condominiums is the road to riches.

No matter how much you point out to that friend that so far his proclamations and prognostications have failed to work out for him, he'll keep harping on it again and again, and pushing you to put all your savings into buying a condo, and you'll either eventually come around to his way of seeing things whether he's "right" or not , or get so annoyed by it that you exit the friendship.

The people around you influence you strongly for better or for worse. To become exceptional, or to remain the way you are, or to backslide. And the person with the greatest measure of influence on you of all, with the greatest ability to steer and direct your thoughts and ideas and emotions, is, of course, the one you spend the most time with: your girlfriend.

And if you aren't being selective when selecting the most important, influential person around you, you're doing yourself a major disservice. Two years ago, I wrote about assortative mating in " Like Attracts Like. Well, I stumbled across a study from entitled " The ideal romantic partner personality ," by several researchers from the University of Arizona's Department of Psychology. The findings of these researchers was as follows:.

You could easily translate that to mean that everyone is looking for the opposite-sex version of themselves But not significantly better. The study found that people were looking for partners who were somewhat better than they were.

While we do pick romantic partners similar to ourselves, we then want to go one better on top of that. And the way this affects - or ought to affect - what to look for in a girlfriend when you're on the make is what we'll talk about today. Ask one of your buddies what kind of girl he's looking for as his next girlfriend, and what kind of qualities she should have. Unless you surround yourself with extremely exacting people, you'll probably get a list back that looks like this:.

This seems to be the Average Man's idea of the Ideal Woman. There's only one problem with it How many women match that description? To be frank, it's quite a lot. Would your buddy actually want to date most of those women? Probably not. The irony is if you ask most women in the West these days what they'd like to find in a mate, the list is more like this:. Clearly, there is some difference between the men and the women of the West in today's day and age, at least in terms of what they want for themselves.

But that's for another article and I do have on in the works on that, but it's one of those ones you've got to get the wording on quite right, unless you want to enrage half of the population of the Western world. What I'm most interested in here is why so many men have no idea what to look for in a girlfriend. What's going on there? I don't think it's lack of relationship experience.

There are plenty of men who've had lots of dates, hook ups, and girlfriends who still have very amorphous standards for whom they'd date.

They know how to get a girlfriend , they've had plenty of girlfriends, they just don't screen them that well. And I don't think it's that the guy's so low on the totem pole that he really isn't in a position to be picky. I think it's that most guys just have no idea of how to actually properly screen women and how to select for the qualities that are going to most benefit their lives.

Because as you can easily tell from reading any American woman's online dating profile these days, Western women are very, very good at making men run the gamut of providing a LOT of value to their lives before they even consider them as potential mates. And if you want to have a healthy, beneficial relationship, you want to be doing the exact same thing.

This is the bigger question to answer, and the one underlying the whole guys-who-don't-have-a-clear-idea-what-kind-of-women-they-want issue. When it comes to selecting the most important person to serve in a supporting role in your life, how can you possibly choose wisely if you don't know what you want her support to do?

If you want to build a billion-dollar conglomerate, you know you're going to need a shrewd, ambitious, supportive partner who can help push you a long and pick you up in times of defeat and hardship.

A woman who's too soft or not very ambitious will never give you the firm backing and foundation and push you need to get there. If you want to have a relatively quiet life, with a decent job, and a house and kids, you know you're going to need a quieter, softer partner who'll be comfortable with that kind of life and won't get antsy with the lack of progress that a driven woman would.

Fact is, I think this is where most younger guys are, and it's why a lot of them end up clueless and with vague standards as to what to look for in a girlfriend. If you ask a man in his 40s what he wants in a girlfriend, the answer almost always rolls quickly off his tongue with confidence and certainty.

He's either looking for a fun, casual partner, or he's looking for someone with the same level of commitment to the things he cares about most to partner up with on a more serious level. Ask that question to a man in his 20s or early 30s, and you usually get the vague reply about looks and her being sweet and chill, but not because these guys don't have relationship experience. It's because younger men usually don't yet know what they're trying to accomplish with life, and where women fit into that picture.

So what should you look to accomplish with your life? That's a deeply personal question, and I can't answer it for you. Here're a few ideas:. Thing is, depending on which of those appeals to you most, you're going to have wildly different mate preferences from the next guy. For me, I really want to do big things with my life. I have no idea how successful I'll be at that, but that's what I want. So when I pick a girl to be a girlfriend, I'm looking for someone who's going to help me be that.

She needs to help me shoulder some of the burden of what's involved in trying to break the mold everyone else follows, and she needs to be able to endure some of the hardship that comes along with starting from zero and not knowing if you'll succeed.

Hence, the qualities I look for include things like mental toughness, a razor-sharp intellect, and extraordinary perseverance. For a guy who wants a more normal life, that's way too much.

A girl like that would go crazy with a guy who has his sights set on something simpler, and he'd go crazy with her bugging and nagging and dissatisfaction with him and their life.

On the other hand, a guy who wants a more casual girlfriend isn't going to care as much about whether she's driven or not driven; instead, that guy's going to be far more concerned with finding women who are comfortable with and open to having uncommitted relationships with no guarantee of them going anywhere. Whether she's an intellectual or a socialite or not is a moot point, almost.

Because every man wants something different out of his life, and because every man wants something different out of his romantic partners, the answer to what to look for in a girlfriend is going to be different for every man. So first, what I'm going to do is give you a series of questions to ask yourself - and help you tell yourself what it is you should seek. And after that, I'm going to give you a few general points about what you ought to look for no matter what you want.

Do you want comfortable, or stimulating? Imagine your ideal woman. Is she tranquil, serene, and quiet? Or is she lively, vivacious, and an outright firecracker? Most likely, she's somewhere in the middle - but by nailing down how outgoing she is or how calm she is, you've right away got a better indicator what you should be looking for when meeting women - the shy ones, or the aggressive ones.

Do you want a girly-girl, or a tomboy? Girly-girls are very feminine, they have almost entirely female friends, and they don't really "get" men. Tomboys are more interested in things that men are interested in, have more or sometimes all male friends, and they know men through-and-through. The advantage of a tomboy is that she's a lot simpler and less work - she knows men, she gets why you do what you do, and she's lower maintenance. Girly-girls give you some more room to be vague, because they can never really figure out what men are doing anyway.

Note: there are plenty of girly-girls who wear sweatpants and jeans, and plenty of tomboys who were high heels and mini skirts. We're not talking about dress style here - more about underlying personality types. Do you want a partner-in-crime, or just a romantic one? This one's surprisingly important. What it comes down to is essentially this: would you be happier with a girl who's involved in you every step of the way in every single thing you're doing, or would you prefer one who's completely got her own life and the two of you only really see each other at bedtime?

Two extremes there again, but it's to illustrate the point. Most people reading will probably say, "Well, uh, somewhere in the middle would be nice! So answer yourself this: if you had to pick only one of those two extremes, which would it be?

Your answer lets you know which side of the spectrum you fall on in terms of preferences. Now, armed with your list of answers specific to you, we can toss in a few general girlfriend criteria. Don't go white knighting.

I know it's tempting to want to be the hero and save some damsel in distress Reason why? Damsels in distress never fall out of distress.

I know you think you can save her and that she'll be grateful to you forever after Read the article linked to for more if you have any doubts. Don't mess with crazy. This is street wisdom - no matter how tough you are, or how much this is your part of town you're in, you just don't mess with crazy people, because crazy people do crazy things.

It's exactly the same in dating - a little quirkiness might make her more interesting, but if she's nuts - stay way. Trust me on that one. Don't date women who lie. Even if you're certain it's only other people she's lying to and to you she tells the truth. What people do to others, they do to you too. Don't date women you're not sure about.

What to Look For in a Girlfriend

Nice eyes? A great smile? A quirky sense of humor? Look for someone who:.

Ask guys what they want in a girl and you'll get different answers. There are a few things, however, every guy wants, or at least should want, in the girl he chooses to date.

Updated: August 26, Reader-Approved References. Choosing to start a relationship with the girl you've got your heart set on is a big decision, but also one that opens the door to many exciting possibilities. Because of the emotional investment involved with any serious relationship, it goes without saying that you'll want to choose your girlfriend carefully. Luckily, with a little help from wikiHow, you'll be able to find a winner in no time!

Top 14 Qualities of a Good Girlfriend

Romance is often a defining part of any teen's adolescent years, but sometimes it can be pretty confusing. Scratch that—it's really confusing—especially during times in our lives where we may feel pressured to either find a girlfriend or face complete social ridicule. When all the guys around us seem to be in a relationship already, nobody wants to be known for not having a girlfriend. While it's true that most of us are living in a culture where dating different girls is as normal as choosing tacos or burgers, a Christian man should put a lot more thought into the woman he chooses to date. What's the first thing we should look for in a girl? What's the first thing that should draw you to her? The world says it's her attractiveness—if she fits your ideal look. But the Bible tells us that God is attracted to the heart 1 Samuel , so we should first be attracted to her love for God. A godly woman will be dedicated to the Lord and show the fruits of the spirit Proverbs ; Ephesians

What Do Guys Look for in a Girlfriend & Long Term Relationships?

Right wish list. So we asked 12 guys what they really look for in a woman or, for the ones who are already paired up, what about their S. She doesn't stand out from a crowd, but her humor, smile, and interests separate her from everyone else. She enjoys being sociable, while still staying in sometimes.

Ever wonder what guys really want in a girlfriend? AskMen has finally revealed the traits that all guys are looking for in an awesome girlfriend.

There's a question that I think not enough men ask themselves, and they end up being the worse for it: that is, what to look for in a girlfriend. I have a habit of being very selective about the people I have around me. The old adage that "you are the average of your five closest friends" is one I put a lot of salt in. Where does this "averaging effect" come from, and how does it play out in real life?

The Best Traits Of A Girlfriend

This is exactly what guys are looking for in a girlfriend. What makes the perfect girlfriend? Is she the girl next door with gorgeous good looks and double-Ds?

You have a career. The days when guys want to outearn a girl are, for the most part, over. Even a part time job can make a big difference in how he views you. You know how to stand up for yourself. You know how to have fun.

12 Men Reveal What They Look for in a Girlfriend

Now each individual man will have his own tastes and preferences when choosing a partner but they are all looking for the same fundamental qualities in a woman as we are in men. So here are ten of the basic things that guys look for in a girlfriend:. Nurture is one of the basic female qualities that guys look for in a girlfriend. Some possess it more than others, and that is absolutely fine. That is also why it attracts men, they subconsciously pick women who will be nurturing enough to raise children. It can mean you are calmer, more understanding, you want to help and care for your partner.

Your girlfriend should be someone that you know can bring out positive emotions to an exclusive relationship or flat out refuses the possibility, look elsewhere.

You might spend a lot of time thinking about ways to get a girlfriend, but perhaps not as much time considering what you actually want out of a girlfriend when you find one. This is a pretty fundamental requirement of anyone in a monogamous relationship. Unless the two of you have agreed to be in an open relationship, your girlfriend has to be loyal to you, and this goes beyond simply not cheating on you or flirting. She should stick up for you around other people, and defend you if people are being rude or unfair to you. One of the most crucial elements of successful long term relationships is that you can truly be yourself around each other.

10 traits men look for in a girlfriend

Our mission: To find out exactly what men are looking for in a good girlfriend. Not exactly. We simply turned to Lisa Daily, syndicated relationship columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped , who promises to help readers find and marry "the one" in three years or less. Daily followed her own advice and married her dream man, who proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower after a six-month courtship.

Women With These 10 Traits Have What It Takes To Be A Good Girlfriend

Some of the ways to do this is to dress up well and take care of yourself so that you always look good. But what some women forget is that men who are looking for serious relationships want more than the physical attributes of a woman. Just like women, a man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman who treats him and his family well, and is capable of performing her duties as a wife and a mother.

Why does it matter that you find a girlfriend who has good qualities? Simply because committing to a relationship with someone means you plan to marry her someday and spend the rest of your life together.

Received an ARC for my voluntary review for netgalley. It was cute. I personally would have hurt my boyfriend, had he done what he did. But also, I do not think I would have lasted that long with him

The 10 Things Every Guy Looks For In A Girlfriend

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Comments: 5
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  5. Fekasa

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